Food Network posts

Jackson Herring asked me to post something that doesn't make him want to put his head through a wall, and since he's my #1 fan, I agreed. I thought to myself, "What magical force could bring together the commenters on FreeRepublic, and a girl who was once naively liberal enough to vote for Carol Mosley Braun in the 2004 primary?" (That girl was me, by the way. Not Jackson Herring. I hope.)

The answer is Food Network. So come read about how Guy Fieri is a tool, Racheal Ray's voice is annoying, and Giada has boobs. I'm not saying I agree with all of these quotes, of course; I just thought this would be humanizing.

But remember, guys, I'm still a divider, not a uniter.

Fieri (pronounced Fi-et-ti)
Which ALWAYS struck me as pretentious as the sunglasses on the back of the head. This guys is a sels-centered tool.

And he cooks nothing any of us couldn’t.

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"His show is great and really showcases old-fashioned diners."

The show would be better without him. :)

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"The problem with Giada is that she smiles too much. If she lived in Italy, she’d be locked up in a mental institution."

There is not problem with Giada that I couldn’t overlook.

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I love to cook. I must have 100 cookbooks. None of them have a recipe for brain sugery, but lately they are treated as if they can do it. "I don't see your personality in this dish" Gimme a break. How does it taste. Cook and shut up.

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Every time we see [Fieri], wifey and I wonder how long it takes him to decorate and fluff himself each morning.

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""As single man, I ask, is there any batchelor out there who would not eagerly spend open evenings listening and watching Sandra Lee slink around their kitchen?"

"As a single man, she can slink around my kitchen any time, but I'll do the cooking."

Maybe since I am a woman I am immune to Sandra’s looks and only see the bat poop crazy in her eyes. She looks like the type that if you didn’t call her back when you said you would, she would calmly come over to your house and burn it down.

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I once joked that I made my very own Sandra Lee cookbook by taping the back of several Hamburger Helper boxes to a Boone’s Farm catalog.

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"Anthony Bourdain’s show was pretty funny"

I would punch Anthony Bourdain just on general priciples, and he wounldn’t have to say a word.

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"Ray's dog might have to be put down due to him attacking people"


I would be doing all I could to be put down if I had to live with Rachael Ray.

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What drives me absolutely crazy is on her 30 Minute Meals show she goes to the pantry, cupboard, refigerator and insists on trying to get every possible ingredient she needs and stacks everything in her arms before taking it over to the preparation area. Rachel! it's okay if you get two or three items at a time! instead of all 20 at once! It's not like the pantry is 5 miles away!


And Jackson, let me know if you're just not a Food Network fan, making this post largely irrelevant.