Saturday, August 6, 2011

Spiderman Dead? Morales Born?

Summary: Apparently one new Spiderman is going to be a half black, half latino guy. Some of the articles I read suggested that the new ultimate universe spiderman was also gay, but I can't tell if that's true or not.

I just saw the pic it looks like a skinny Aunt Jemima has the world lost it’s bloody freakin mind?


I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Will the new action figure be included in happy meals?!


there need to be more muslim superheros. you know, to boost their self-esteem and all.

and the only place you're gonna find a muslim superhero is in a comic book.


Might as well go all the way and make it a half-white/asian/kenyan/muslim/transexual.


apiderman, my hero as a kid (before i got into wolverine & conan)... has been killed by progressives (and i thought i hated them before)

the main thing was that he had integrity. he had honor. he was the moral center of the marvel universe. he always made the right choice, no matter how hard or how much it hurt him personally. his character was without question, except by Peter himself.

spiderman helped show what matters was the content of your character, not the color of your skin.

then they killed him.

and replaced him, specifically, with a black/hispanic homosexual male (that looks an awful lot like a young 0bama).

essentially, the lesson to be learned here is:

the color of your skin is what matters... not the content of your character


“With great power comes, like...gotta use it! My homies in Texas gettin’ dissed by racist principals, so maybe Holder-my-man needs some Spidey help.

And my Spidey sense tells me those Tea Party bigots are about to shoot another brave liberal Congresswoman...gotta go stop them before my Man’s agenda gets stuck.

And my Spidey sense also is tellin’ me...that that boy is HOOTTTT!!!!! Maybe he needs some spider juice shot in him...I’ll web him up tight and do him right!

I’m gonna LOVE being the NEW SPIDERMAN!”



Young half-black progressive is heartbroken over the death of his beloved mentor, Uncle Frank (FM Davis), from AIDS because of the denial of needed drugs by a callous health insurance company executive. Young Obama could have confronted the executive when he had the chance, but didn’t, leading ultimately to Uncle Frank’s death.

Coping with his grief by engaging in homosexual sex at a Chicago “men’s” club, he is bitten by a spider living in the drain of the bathhouse floor which has evolved amazing abilities through surviving over time in that toxic stew.

Young Obama, now Spider-man, gains these same abilities, including the stamina to perform dozens of sex acts in a single session at the Chicago men’s club.

By day he is Barky Obama, community organizer at the Altgeld Housing Projects, but at night he dons his pink-and-purple Spiderman costume and cruises the streets of Chicago looking for evil-doers. In hunting down bad guys, he focuses on executives of health insurance, pharmaceutical and oil companies and especially the Fox News Corporation.

His nemesis is George Bush, scion of an industrial dynasty with whom young Obama attended an exclusive prep school, and who with the help of a machine created by Dick Cheney turns into the Blue Banker.

Spiderman defeats the Blue Banker in a spectactular aerial fight over the streets of Chicago in which victory is achieved only at the last moment when Spiderman’s ally, Helicopter Ben, flies over the city in a special helicopter equipped with a printing press and buries the Blue Banker under a veritable mountain of newly-printed $100 bills and T-bonds.


New thought, will the new characters speak in Ebonics and wear their pants below their butt cheeks. And who is going to “read” these comic books?


Miles Morales just an average homie from the hood. When one day, mistaking a small chunk of weapons grade plutonium for a crack rock, he smokes it and becomes SPIDERMAN!

Spiderman! Spiderman!

He supports Obama, whenever he can!

Works for ACORN, hates the white man!

Protects the world from Republicans!

Fights the tea party and their low-tax scam!

Spiderman Spiderman!


Hey, why not go whole hog and make him a cross-dressing vegan cannibal as well?


Thing is, very few 12 year old boys today read comic books. They’re too busy playing videogames or watching TV. Comics are read (and supported) by geeks, perverts, and general losers of 25-35 years of age who still reside in Mom’s basement and cannot find employment (other than as occasional scriptwriter for recycled, “rebooted”, and “improved” Hollywood dreck).

Hence, the “modern” storylines.


Why not go all the way and make him an illegal alien also? Undocumented Spiderman! Sounds good to me. Politically correct comic books. oy.


How’s he going to swing from building to building with his pants hanging down so low?


So, instead of shooting spider web material out of his hands; will he have spray paint?


I just had a discussion on an animation/art related board over ‘gayifying’ every show out there. Some of the answers I got from people were instructive. For example”

“Making a character gay has nothing to do with sex”

THAT is the mindset guiding/prevalent today’s entertainment world. It’s a case of Category Error. They cannot grasp that “gay” by it’s nature is about sex. They have bought the “it’s perfectly normal” line and cannot fathom anything else.


How can you be half black and half latino? we have a president, who is half black and half white.. but he said on his census he was black.. It seems any one with mixed black any thing is always identified as black....


The PC crowd just can’t help themselves...we will have a BLACK ‘Perry White’ in next year’s ‘Man of Steel’ reboot...

((I will be fair and add that two Freepers defended laurence fishburne, saying he's an awesome actor and he'll do well... Response? Well...))

I would agree that Fishburne is an excellent actor, but he isn’t ‘Perry White’. If they wanted to establish a new character as Editor of the Daily Planet (after White has retired or passed away); that would be fine. Hollywood is just pandering, as usual...


The live action re-do of Akira, a Japaneese Amime classic set in Tokyo is supposed to have two non-Asian main characters, set in America.

PC kills everything it touches in any direction.

---Wait, wait, wait. PC is now responsible for white actors portraying asian roles?


And when he has a guest at his apartment, I bet he insists the guest place his/her beverage on a coaster. I grew up reading Spiderman, not Spiderwuss.


  1. I read the "homies in Texas" one and couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous it was... then I read the ones right after it and now I can't stop frowning.

  2. Their anger is probably nothing in comparison to the way comic book nerds (written with love!) will treat it, but it comes from a much darker place.

  3. Well, the guy who says that most 12-year-old kids aren't reading comics today is sadly right.

    However, from what I've seen online at least, most comic book nerds are cool with it. It's the Ultimate version of Spider-Man, not the mainstream one (who will continue to be Peter Parker), and the Ultimate books have always been more experimental and more open to change.

  4. I love the spelling of "anime" as Japaneese Amime